operation skinny bitch

01. i have 223 followers, which is more than my starting weight (219.5). this pleases me for some reason. probably because i’m a nerd.

02. speaking of being a nerd (and this is also sort of weird, sorry) — ladies, do you ever wish you could weigh yourself some time without your boobs? although they’ve shrunk down a bit as i’ve lost weight, they’re still pretty intense. i swear these bitches must add at least five pounds, maybe more. i couldn’t find a clean sports bra to wear to zumba last night and i thought i might die.

sometimes i’m puzzled by people who have weight-loss blogs and seem like they’re barely trying. or completely not trying.

now, i know that i’m really lucky right now, because i’m not working (just sponging off my mom and my boyfriend) so i can devote as much time as necessary to working out and eating healthy. i can cook dinner every night rather than having to grab something on the go. and at 29 years old and with a long-term boyfriend, maybe it’s only natural that i’m not as inclined to be out drinking and running around all the time.

but nonetheless, i still don’t get it sometimes. the idea of these blogs, i always thought, was inspiration and accountability. i get inspired by seeing other people working hard to achieve their goals, and i hope i do the same for the people who follow me. hell, i even inspire myself sometimes, reading through my old posts and seeing how far i’ve come since i started this blog.

as far as the accountability, i mean…i absolutely believe you need to be honest about both the good and bad things. but if you want to be honest, shouldn’t you also want to be “good”? i screw up sometimes and when i do, i blog about it, but i would never want this blog to be an endless stream of posts about how i haven’t worked out and how i ate a bunch of garbage and whatever. and if it did get that way, i hope everyone wouldn’t keep telling me “it’s okay!” i would want someone to say “hey, girl, get it together!”

[before anyone jumps to any conclusions: i have never left anyone an anonymous comment or any sort of “hater” comment, and i never will. i’m too old for that shit, and it’s not my style. a few incidents lately have gotten me thinking, tho. oh, and if you’re reading this, i’m probably not talking about you. i lurk far and wide, ha.]

i’m not sure where i’m going with this, just getting some thoughts out, i suppose. i think the support shown in the fitblr community is amazing. i love every bit of feedback i get, whether it’s a “like” or a reblog or anything. but sometimes i almost feel like the support doubles back on itself as, like, enabling? just me?

when i started this tumblr, it was just about weight loss. i decided i couldn’t still be fat when i turned thirty next january, so i named the blog ‘operation thin by thirty.’

i vaguely figured that once i hit my birthday, i’d change the name to something else.

but the more i thought about it, the more i wanted to change it now. this new lifestyle i’ve adopted is so much more than weighing a certain amount by a certain date. sure, it’s about weight loss, looking good and feeling good. but it’s so much more. it’s about health and strength and confidence and perseverance. more than anything, it’s about being the best version of myself that i can be. it’s about facing every challenge and giving it my all.

so i renamed my blog (and by extension, myself) ‘tracy takes on’.

what does tracy take on? everything. bring it, life! BOOYAH.

xo

i realized something the other day.

ever since i’ve started on this weight-loss journey, i’ve become hyperaware of everyone else’s bodies. not really with my friends, because i know them and i’m used to them and i know if they work out or don’t or whatever, but just random people i see on the street or on the subway or, y’know, in a store or a concert or anywhere. ooh, he needs to lose weight, that doesn’t look healthy. look at her thighs, they’re perfect. he must work out. she would be really hot if she lost like 20 pounds.

with men it’s kind of whatever, because i’m a girl and i can’t really compare. but for some reason, i always assume every thin, hot girl is just like that naturally. look at her in that dress! god, it must be nice. ugh, i’m so jealous. i hate her! :(

superhot girls at my gym, tho, get a pass from me, because i know they’re working at it. damn, she’s in good shape. she must work really hard. yay, inspiration!

well, just because i don’t see someone working out, it doesn’t mean she doesn’t. just like if someone saw my chubby ass and assumed i don’t work out, that wouldn’t make it true.

so i’ve decided that instead of just thinking that all the hot, skinny girls that i see eat whatever they want and lie around all day, i’m going to assume that they make healthy eating choices and stay active and that is why they look good. that way, inspiration is everywhere.

besides…i plan on being one of those girls eventually, and i sure as hell don’t want people to think i didn’t work my ass off for it.